There are three key fears that hold us back from taking steps to change many areas of our lives.
They explain why people remain stuck like a deer in the headlights most of the time tolerating average lives and frustrated by not being able to move on to bigger and better things.
I know in the times when I needed to make major change in my life, I was so scared and stressed; the size of the challenge at the time seemed too big to take on. It was so overwhelming.
So this is what I did over time. I learned how to master the three fears of change, so now I know I can change pretty much anything in my life. Yes, sounds a little unrealistic I know, however it at least it gives us fighting chance to change instead of being mastered by fear and not being able to change at all.
1. Fear of Failure
“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new” (Socrates).
Just a few years ago, when I made the decision to dramatically and radically change my life, I was afraid I would fail.
Questions bounced around in my head, like…
• What if I couldn’t create a better life and greater success?
• What if it was the stupidest thing I had ever done, leaving a safe relationship and a comfortable lifestyle?
• What if I fail and fall on my face and embarrass myself?
Whilst in reality my life was falling apart, it was easier to tolerate staying average than stepping up and out into a new me.
It was easier to stay in my comfort zone.
However, I also knew this quote, attributed to Einstein, was 100 per cent true…
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
To achieve what I wanted, I needed to embrace failure and change my fear of it.
So I took on board what I’d learnt from the HIGH PERFORMERS I’d studied and decided to make fear my friend.
I stopped fearing failure and decided I would just dive in and embrace the change.
I started to take the High-Performance Human road less travelled…
And instead of letting this fear control me, I began seeing failure as a chance to learn, and a way to get feedback.
This distinction alone made a huge difference.
SO MAKE FEAR YOUR FRIEND AND SEE IT AS A CHANCE TO LEARN AND GET FEEDBACK TO ENABLE YOU TO CHANGE.
2. Fear of the Unknown
“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety” (Abraham Maslow).
I remember sitting in the four-wheel drive I had hired to take me 1000km away from the place I’d spent all 52 years of my life. I was sobbing, thinking what a big mistake this was. I was paralysed and gripped with fear of the unknown.
All I had after I had sold and given away most of my possessions, all that was in the hire car was three bags of clothes, two guitars and my computer.
I felt incredibly anxious and fearful of what was ahead because there were no guarantees. I hadn’t even seen the flat I had rented in this new town I would now call home. I had no friends where I was going, and the uncertainty was scary.
I was so nervous it was like the moment before you jump out of the plane when tandem skydiving.
It was absolutely terrifying.
Yet it had to be done, otherwise I would face a lifetime of compromise and regret.
Uncertainty and the unknown paralyses people when it comes to becoming a HIGH-PERFORMANCE HUMAN, because they create anxiety and take away the comfort and security of knowing what the future will be.
It’s called the comfort zone or safety net syndrome.
I knew I had to flip my perspective and see opportunity and possibility instead of uncertainty and the unknown if I was to succeed on this new journey.
SO SEE THE UNKNOWN AS OPPORTUNITY AND POSSIBILITY!
3. Fear of the Effort and Responsibility Required
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude” (Maya Angelou).
I knew the road ahead of the change I had decided to make in my life would require effort and a higher level of responsibility.
It would require a revolution in my life, an overthrow of the current belief system and programs, and a new reboot and update of the operating system.
When you are 17 kilos overweight, in major debt, have a drinking problem and are on a mental and emotional rollercoaster, and just left a great 9-year relationship…
The top of the mountain seems such a long way off.
Yet I had to make a decision to either:
Be a settler: and settle at the bottom of the mountain
Be a camper: and camp halfway up the mountain
Or become a climber: and make it to the top.
I decided to become the climber.
The catch cry from those who resist change is “It’s all too hard! I have to sacrifice too much.”
They then start to make excuses and justify why they can’t change, and usually they give up.
They don’t have the discipline nor want to carry the responsibility for change.
There is a saying:
“It’s Only as Hard as You Make it”
And it’s true.
If you think it’s hard, it will be.
If you think it can’t be done, it won’t be.
What you think about how hard something is determines how hard it will be.
Saying something is hard is just a perception you have about it.
The focus is in the wrong area. The focus should be on what you’re getting from the effort you put in, not on the effort itself.
Look at the reward you are getting from it, not how painful it will be.
Wayne Dyer said it best when he stated:
“If you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change”
The other reason people put in the effort for change is they know their “why.”
Knowing their “why” motivates them. They are passionate about what they are doing, so it’s a labour of love rather than hard labor.
And they are committed to do what it takes (even the things they might not particularly like) in the process of change.
As the Chinese proverb goes:
“When the winds of change blow, some people build walls
and others build windmills.”
High-Performance Humans see effort and responsibility as stepping-stones on the path to achieving their dreams, rather than as pain.
SEE EFFORT AND RESPONSIBILITY AS STEPPING STONES!
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU GET FROM PUTTING IN THE EFFORT, NOT THE EFFORT YOU HAVE TO PUT IN!
Download THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO BECOMING A HIGH PERRFORMANCE HUMAN here www.jetxavier.com
