“Leaders must own everything in their world. There is no one else to blame.” That line from Jocko Willink sits at the centre of a lot of what I coach.
I remember one session with a client — let’s call him John — who’d just spent ten minutes running through everything that felt broken. A relationship under strain. Barely any time with his kids. Cash flow tightening. Staff issues piling up. No time for himself, health slipping, drinking more than he should, running on empty.
He couldn’t see a way through any of it. He was drowning.
And in John’s telling, none of it was his doing. It was the team, his partner, the bank, his clients’ unreasonable expectations. Everyone except John.
John had slipped into playing the victim, and once you’re there, excuses start to feel like the only honest response.
Have you ever caught yourself in that same spot?
I’ve coached real estate business owners and leaders for more than a decade, and John’s story repeats constantly, just with different names. What’s usually missing isn’t skill or effort — it’s ownership of the part that’s actually theirs to control.
John didn’t have a business problem. He had an ownership problem.
As Simon Sinek sometimes says, “You are the problem”.
What ownership actually looks like
Taking ownership isn’t the same as being responsible out of obligation. It’s the moment you choose to show up as your best self anyway — a deliberate, practical shift that produces a result you can actually point to.
Most people resist it instinctively, but the research doesn’t back that instinct. Psychological Science researcher Michele Tugade has found that people who own their reactions and actively hunt for solutions bounce back faster and adapt more easily than those who don’t. Other studies tie ownership to stronger relationships and higher emotional intelligence.
Once you see the size of what’s on the other side of ownership, it stops looking like a burden and starts looking like the advantage it actually is.
Feeling this one? You don’t have to figure it out alone — book a free High Performance Call and let’s talk through where you’re at.
Three places to start
1. Stop blaming others. Redirect your energy back to what you control. It’s nearly impossible to take ownership while you’re focused on everyone else’s part in the problem. Robert Anthony, who has a PhD in Cognitive Psychology, says, “When you blame others you give up your power to change”.
2. Stop playing the victim. “Poor me” thinking closes down your ability to see another way through. As novelist Paulo Coelho says, “Facing the difficulties, I can choose either to be a poor victim or a great adventurer”.
3. Stop making excuses. Go looking for the reason you can, instead of the reason you can’t. As motivational speaker Jim Rohn says, “If it’s important you will find a way, if it’s not you will find an excuse”.
Picture what your life and business would look like if you owned everything that was actually yours to own.
That question is where Radical Ownership starts, and it’s the exact shift I work through with agents and principals inside coaching. If you’re ready to stop making excuses and start owning your results, book a free High Performance Call.
About Jet Xavier
Jet Xavier is a High Performance mindset and accountability coach who works with real estate agents, principals and team leaders to build sustainable, high-performing careers. Learn more about Jet.
This piece began as a column for Elite Agent — you can read the original here.
